Fighting among siblings is as natural as the changing
of the seasons. And contrary to what many parents
believe, sibling rivalry is a sign of mental health in
a family. While there may be times when it's difficult
to deal with, there are some simple things you can do
to limit fighting and make it tolerable:
1. Ignore Their Fighting
Fighting is often a way for kids to get you to
notice them. If you ignore their fighting (unless
weapons are involved), there will be less incentive
for them to do it.
2. Treat Your Kids the Same When it Comes to
Fighting
If you get into who started things, you may be
training your kids to be victims and bullies. Put
them in the same boat and don't take sides.
3. Give Your Kids Positive Reinforcement when
they're Cooperating.
Let them know they're doing a wonderful job when they
get along. This one's easy to forget, but vitally
important. Give them attention when they're behaving
the way you want. Continually telling them to stop may
actually be creating more fighting!
4. Limit Your Own Fighting and Arguing.
Having your kids see occasional arguing and "making up"
from you is fine, but your kids will learn how to be
peaceful from you. Don't expect them to do it well if
you don't show them how.
5. Create an Environment of Cooperation.
Do projects together as a family that involve
cooperation. Talk about how important it is for
the family to cooperate. Avoid games or activities
that promote fighting or excessive competition in
your kids.
6. Train Your Kids in Peacemaking when They're
Away from Conflict.
Talk to your kids about fighting at a time when
they're relaxed and open. Ask them about what
other options they might have taken rather than to
hit their sister. Help them to brainstorm better
solutions.
7. Try to Avoid Punishing your Kids
Punishing kids usually just creates angry kids who
are more likely to fight. While some punishment
may be inevitable, do your best to give consequences
instead. Punishment may bring short term solutions, but
will also bring long term problems.
8. Control How You React to their Fighting.
When you must intervene, make sure you stay calm. If
you're angry and shaming, you actually make it more
likely that fighting will occur again.
9. Limit the Number of Fighting Opportunities You
Give your Kids.
Think about what has the potential to start fights.
Don't buy a red ball and a blue ball, this may easily
result in a fight by your kids. Buy two red balls - no
fight. Be familiar with the times in which fighting
occurs the most-when they're hungry or tired. Take
precautions, like having dinner ready before the
"bewitching hour" occurs.
10. Love Your Kids for All They're Worth
Every day tell them you love them, and more
importantly--show them. Kids who feel emotionally
connected to their parents are the least likely to
fight. This won't eliminate it, but the alternative
isn't pretty at all.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by
phone to balance their life and improve their family
relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session
by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE
newsletter, go to
http://www.markbrandenburg.com or email him at mark@...
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