I read a lot of articles related to kids and chores. There are experts
who believe kids should have assigned chores and it’s a necessary part
of growing up. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. What I know for sure is that
arguments and tension in families are often centered around getting kids
to do their chores.
Growing up we had very few chores to do. I don’t really think it was a
conscious decision on the part of my parents. I think it was just easier
for mom, who was the person in charge of all the housework, to do it
herself. My dad just went along with what ever she decided was
appropriate or not when it came to issues relating to us.
My best friend had a lot of chores to do. I vividly remember knocking on
her door many Saturday mornings to ask if she could play. She couldn’t
because she had to stay in and help with the chores. I was always
disappointed because I wanted her to come outside to play with me. We
never had to stay in the house to do chores so it was hard to
understand.
I’ve been very inconsistent as a parent around getting my kids to do
specific chores. What ultimately ends up happening is that I have to
step in and finish the job because it’s usually only half done. I forget
that I’ve assigned something to be a chore and end up doing the whole
thing myself. I’ve often said to myself: “Oh, I forgot, I asked one of
the kids to do that. It’s too late now.”
Do I think kids should have responsibilities around the house?
Absolutely. The family home is a communal space that a group of people
share. Each person is responsible for cleaning up their own messes,
hanging up their own coat, putting their shoes and bags away and
cleaning up any garbage they accumulate. It shows respect towards the
other people who live in the house. The earlier kids learn to clean up
after themselves the earlier it will become automatic.
When my kids were very small we used plastic dinnerware. They were
taught to clear their dishes away as soon as they finished eating. It
didn’t take long before they did it automatically without being
reminded. Because their plates were plastic I never worried if something
fell out of their little hands. They cleared their dishes away when they
ate at someone else’s house as well.
When they entered preschool we installed hooks at their level so they
could hang up their own jackets. It usually just took a simple: “Hang up
your coat please” or “As soon as you’ve hung your coat up, you can go
and play.” Being consistent meant it took no time at all before it
became automatic. There were a number of other steps we took to make it
easier for the kids to put away their things and the expectation was
that it was their responsibility and not ours, to do it.
In our house, my husband does the majority of the vacuuming. He’s a
perfectionist so does a very thorough job. Its one example that I can
think of, that if it was assigned to one of our kids, my husband would
not be satisfied with the result and would end up doing it all over
again. Does this mean our kids will never learn how to vacuum a room?
They will keep their floors and carpets clean because they’ve grown up
seeing the carpets being vacuumed regularly. It’s been role modeled.
Will they never know how to clean a bathroom? As with the vacuuming,
there’s a standard they’ve become accustomed to and one they’re likely
to mimic when they’re on their own.
I made a decision long ago that I wanted my children to grow up in a
home where people respect one another, communicate openly, love for each
other is expressed regularly and tension and fighting is kept to a
minimum. I wanted laughter to be something we often share. Now that my
kids are soon to be adults, I can proudly look back and say, I think
we’ve achieved that.
About the author:
Barbara Desmarais is a Parenting and Life Coach and mother to two
teenagers. Her training in Early Childhood Education led to a career in
parent education. She has been working with parents both privately and
in groups for close to eighteen years.
Visit Barbara's website at
http://www.theparentingcoach.com. She can be reached at
barb@theparentingcoach.com
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