Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids
by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children is the
best way to ensure that they live a happy, successful, and responsible
life as an adult. Here are ten ways to help your kids attain a high
degree of emotional intelligence:
1. Model emotional intelligence yourself
Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you respond to
frustration, they see how resilient you are, and
they see whether you’re aware of your own feelings, and the
feelings of others.
2. Be willing to say “no” to your kids
There’s a lot of stuff out there for kids. And your kids will ask for a
lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to deal with
disappointment, and to learn impulse control. To a certain degree, your
job as a parent is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work
through it. Kids who always get what they want typically aren’t very
happy.
3. Be aware of your parental “hotspots”
Know what your issues are—what makes you come unglued, and what’s this
really about? Is it not being in control? Not
being respected? Underneath these issues lies a fear about
something. Get to know what your fear is, so you’re less
likely to come unglued when you’re with your kids. Knowing
your issues doesn’t make them go away, it just makes them
easier to plan for and to deal with.
4. Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental
Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, “he
seems angry,” rather than, “what a jerk.” When your kids are
whiny or crying, saying things like, “you seem sad,” will
always be better than just asking them to stop. Depriving
kids of the feelings they’re experiencing will only drive
them underground and make them stronger.
5. Start coaching your kids
When kids are beyond the toddler years, you can start
coaching them to help them to be more responsible. Instead
of, “get your hat and gloves,” you can ask, “what do you
need to be ready for school?” Constantly telling your kids
what to do does not help them to develop confidence and
responsibility.
6. Always be willing to be part of the problem
See yourself as having something to do with every problem
that comes along. Most problems in families get bigger when
parents respond to them in a way that exacerbates the
problem. If your child makes a mistake, remember how crucial
it is for you to have a calm, reasoned response.
7. Get your kids involved in household duties at an early age
Research suggests that kids who are involved in household
chores from an early age tend to be happier and more
successful. Why? From an early age, they’re made to feel
they are an important part of the family. Kids want to belong and to
feel like they’re valuable.
8. Limit your kids access to mass media mania
Young kids need to play, not spend time in front of a screen. To develop
creativity and problem-solving skills, allow your kids time to use free
play. Much of the mass media market can teach your kids about
consumerism, sarcasm, and violence. What your kids learn from you and
from free play will provide the seeds for future emotional intelligence.
9. Talk about feelings as a family
State your emotional goals as a family. These might be no
yelling, no name-calling, be respectful at all times, etc. Families that
talk about their goals are more likely to be aware of them and to
achieve them. As the parent, you then have to “walk the talk.”
10. See your kids as wonderful
There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in
your child than to see them as wonderful and capable. A law of the
universe is, “what you think about expands.” If you see your child and
think about them as wonderful, you’ll get a lot of “wonderful.” If you
think about your child as a problem, you’ll get a lot of problems.
Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high “EQ” is even better. Make
these ten ideas daily habits, and you’ll give your kids the best chance
possible to be happy, productive, and responsible adults.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance
their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty
minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE
newsletter, go to
http://www.markbrandenburg.com or email him at mark@mark.....
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