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Diary Of A New Mum -
Week 18

Pounds Lost And Gained

Jessica-Ann is fine this week – nothing exciting to report, except that she had her third lot of jabs and screamed the surgery down. Thankfully this time I got Paul to come with me so it wasn’t so bad for me. Terrible for him (he was seriously traumatized by how upset she got), but not so bad for me. 

Last week I decided to start a diet. I didn’t tell anyone, didn’t make a big deal about it, just decided to try and cut out some of the crap I’d been eating and maybe do a bit of exercise. 

Ha! Fat chance (spot the pun). When I weighed myself this morning, after a whole week of ‘dieting’, I’d actually managed to gain half a pound, not lose it! Not fair. This is despite my walking Jess for an hour every day. Despite my trying very hard not to eat chocolate every night. Doesn’t trying count for anything? Do you have to actually not eat the chocolate instead of merely trying not to? 

I’m not cut out for this. Motherhood, yes. No problem. But being overweight, no. It doesn’t suit me, for one thing. Maybe I’m not tall enough to carry it off, or the wrong shape or something. I’d like to be happy as I am – it would be a lot less work, believe me. I don’t care what size it says in my clothes, or what numbers come up on the scales. I just want to feel comfortable and be able to walk without my legs rubbing together! Is that a lot to ask?  

I’m on a roll now so there’s no shutting me up. It’s so unfair, what happens to your body when you have a baby. First there’s the sickness – months and months of feeling like you’ve just stepped off the waltzes at the fairground. Then there’s the stretch marks (which I managed to miss on my tummy but you should see my thighs). Then the months of being tired, tired, tired, out of breath, not being able to walk properly, or sit for too long, or go for more than ten seconds without peeing. 

As if that’s not bad enough, there’s the birth to go through. Enough said. And afterwards there are stitches to heal, hormones to go back to (what passes for) normal, joints to repair, a uterus to shrink – all while you’re looking after a helpless tiny baby who depends on you for everything! 

Okay, end of rant. But the last thing we new mums need after going through all that is for someone to eye our tummies appraisingly as if to say, ‘Taking a bit of time for that baby weight to come off, isn’t it?’ (I swear someone did this to me but I’m not saying who.) Give me a break. If I was vain I would never have had a baby. I’m not vain, just knackered, and if chocolate is my only pleasure then so be it.

Diary Of A New Mum Week 19 - Coming Soon!

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