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Being Left Is The Definition Of A Mother

By Lenore Zurwelle

To be a successful mother you must be left. Not left handed, nor to the left politically, but just left. This necessary abandonment comes in gradual stages and the steps toward this goal are painful to be sure. All mothers want to stay close to their babies keeping them safe from any harm that could come their way. We want to be protectors, to comfort, to be needed and to wipe away tears from any hurt. We want to protect our children from any harm whether it is physical or emotional.

So, how then are we able to be successful at being left when it goes against our very nature? First, by being aware that this is essential to raising our children into confident, competent adults. It starts the first time you need to leave your child with a grandparent or friend. Even if only for a few hours, the parent reassures the child that it is OK and that you will be back soon. As the child becomes confident in your return, you are setting the example of leaving.

Every Mom stresses over the first day of Pre-school or Kindergarten. If you have prepared your child well you will have a child eager to leave you and embrace a new world of people and learning. It is difficult not to show our emotions and fears about letting go, leaving our children to be influenced by others but it is so necessary to the development of the child. With each year there are new challenges to meet as we prepare ourselves to be left.

The first sleep-over at a friend's house is an example of being left. When your child doesn't call in the middle of the night wanting to come home then you have been successfully left. You have done you job well. This continues all through life, the drivers license means that you are now unnecessary for the ride to pick up and leave your child. They pick up the keys and leave. That is a sign you have done well. When a child leaves for college, the military or marriage you will have some longing to be closer. When our children are successful at claiming their own lives you have just been given an "A+" on your report card as a mother.

To be a successful mother we must know that part of that definition is to be left. There is sacrifice in that to be sure and the proof of the success is in the independent, confident life of the child.

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